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1. |
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piling on
over my head
under my breath
i curse
at the {redacted}
at the streetlights
at my artieries
that stay closed
at the smoldering sun
at these 4 walls
that keep me trapped
{redacted}
day by day
reduce, re-use, reissue my guilt
redone, reload, retry and ill explode
comply, goodbye, we got no coherency
reject, project bullshit and irony
can't live with the future
ashamed of the past
not in the moment
hoping ever day is my last
and once i start
i won't shut up
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2. |
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ingrained in my head
but i can't form the right words
i'll say my songs have consistency
it just boils down the fact that i'm lazy
maybe no one will notice
my awkward motions
or the fact that im choking
they say it works out in the end
im trying harder to pretend
i'll wreck my vocal cords just to prove
you shoot me down i guess i always lose
fresh new face
brand new home
same old place
feels like im trapped in foam
save your thanks
feelings change
come to terms
with the shit you learn
ill say it here
i never loved you and i never really cared
i never really cared im sick of telling lies
you dont gotta try so hard there is nothing left to hide
try to stay connected but i cut off the cables
throw the memories in the fire
make everyone miserable
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3. |
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4. |
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im getting headaches from redundant questions
pitch in my 2 cents, im met with objection
no i cant deny, you're never on my mind
move far away we have no more connection
rehash the past and make minor corrections
wish things were different for me and you
I want to turn back time and retry
no i never thought id have to say goodbye
another weekends past and im all alone
i still get chills from hearing your voice through the phone
storming up so many scenarios
can't convince myself to let this go
just say no
just say no
do i love you or just love the idea of not loving myself?
fixated on the drama im no above anyone else
i see the picture so clearly, im not worthy and you know its true
but good im fucking exhausted of thinking about you
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5. |
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tie-dying our t-shirts
as i grow impatient
I cant get a grip on
where we our going
its getting harder to breath
too tired to study
get down on my knees
and apologize for nothing
discreetly share your secrets
we all know you cant keep them
whats the point of informing?
you'll get no glory
so turn a new leaf and reach for the stars
and realize that you'll never get far
go ahead leave me out to dry again
ive never asked for much
please shut the fuck up
i dont have a will
save it for another day
yeah i made some mistakes
ill gladly keep it that way
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6. |
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don't stay, i don't care
wait for a better year
speaking way too soon
it's been too many months since I left my room
do they remember me?
scream till my throat bleeds
my agenda fell through
your friends don't seem to like you (they hate me too)
don't bother to try
i wont get a reply
it's out of character for me to admit
that i'm a sore loser, not a little kid
back against the wall
these meds don't work at all
there's not point it's pointless
when nothing can be changed
small talk makes me nauseous
i cant complain
when the colors of the leaves fade to brown
that is when i know you'll be leaving town
when the colors of the leaves fade to brown
that is when they'll bury me underground
i don't ever want to come back home again
but i don't ever want to feel alone again
i don't wanna
i don't wanna
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7. |
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8. |
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we've reached the end
are we still friends?
everytime that we talk
i get hurt again
(i cant say no)
they wanna see my break
while im kept wide awake
left in the dust
they're so fucking fake
ive been learning the same goddamn lessons for way to long
ive been trying to change but its too late im already gone
regret ever trusting you
so long, i wont play the fool
don't ever come back down
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9. |
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chewing ice
procrastinating
used up all my free time
there's repercussions
its not up for discussion
when winter comes for sure
i'll be in a coffin
so shut up and hold your breath
keeps those thoughts in your head
i was never disciplined
now im addicted
seems like forever since we
chilled in the thicket
wishing our parents would die
so we could live out our lives
but now we are quiet, reserved and inconsistent
treading through the snow
as the full moon glows
oh what i left
in the past
don't look
back
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10. |
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wasted all my freetime
online with all my shitty friends
yet the same questions occur and remain
i cant go on for another day
life sux
my friends they all stopped calling me
im stressed out
and cant maintain any priorities
its building up and slowly killing me
but thats the way that its gotta be
the air is so cold
this town is a hell hole
broken suburbs i call home
empty sidewalks, the forest is gone
growing up
holding on
everything is gone
if were not kids anymore
where does that leave me?
if were not kids anymore
then god, im sorry
what am i supposed to be?
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released January 29, 2021
made this by myself again lol